Relationship Not Situationship: 5 Ways to Know You Are in a Relationship with Yourself

Relationship Not Situationship: 5 Ways to Know You Are in a Relationship with Yourself

relationship not situationship

Have you ever heard of a placebo effect in a relationship? Where you think you are in a relationship not situationship?

Yes, it does exist and with a fancy name at that. A ‘situationship’ is what happens to you, or what you’re in when you’re in that terrible grey area between a hook-up and a relationship. It’s just like a placebo effect where it might feel like a relationship at times but in all honesty, there are boundaries no expectations out of this association. You’re not quite dating this person but spending a lot of your time with them and let’s face it, you’re not just hooking up either. It’s a familiar situation and we’ve all been there at some point in our lives. It’s actually the modern day equal of a ‘complicated’ relationship!

relationship not situationship

A situationship can both be mighty convenient or sadly confusing. Convenient for those of you who run miles away from any sort of commitment and have struck a deal with the other person, which is understood and sad for those who want something a little more out of this difficult puzzle of a situation and can’t get ahead of some fuzzy boundaries that are set by both of you.

Now a situationship can stem from two grey areas. The first being the obvious ‘we like each other, so let’s just spend some time together and see where this goes and not commit to anything’ and the second situation could arise from a long term relationship break up, where the comfort level is so bendable that the two people in question spend a lot of time with each other but don’t really get back into a relationship. Both cases are almost the same as one another as there are no labels used for such an association and both have a comfort factor, without dependency and as one would expect lots of ‘no strings attached’ sex.


When she began relations with a charming young man a few months ago, she had no expectations. He told her in no uncertain terms at the start of it that he was just looking for random play.

Seeing as they got along well on all other levels, she settled for a casual relationship with him. “He was a place holder and good enough for the moment,” she recalls.

A few weeks in, she found herself doing all things that a woman in a relationship does, and he also seemed to step up.

He bought her flowers, took her on dates, spent nights in her house, and most of those who knew them thought that they made a great couple. But no matter how well they seemed to be doing, their relationship didn’t have an official title, and he never introduced her as his girlfriend.


“Even when his actions say otherwise, when a man says he isn’t ready, listen,” he counsels.

To someone coming from a lonely place, a situationship may not seem so bad.

It meets your immediate need for sex and (state of spending friendly time with someone else) but what many women are unaware of is the fact that while you carry on a (without any point or purpose) arrangement with a gap-filler, you may lose out on a real relationship because to a third party, you appear as if you are in a relationship.

It may feel like a real relationship not situationship, but there will always be that embarrassing or upsetting truth that nobody wants to talk about. You will always be constantly questioning yourself and your self-worth and in the end there will be heartbreak.


Are you in a situationship?

It is easy to become confused thinking about where you stand with your love interest. Take this test to find out if yours is a real relationship, a situationship or a ghost relationship. Answer these questions with the answers that best show your relationship situation.


  1. His friends and family…
  • You have met his friends and family
  • You share friends and you may have met his family in the most casual disorganized ways
  • You have met neither his friends nor his family


  1. When you run into people he knows
  • He is quick to introduce you and he does that with a title that hints that you are together
  • He introduces you in a relaxed way as a friend or by your name.
  • He does not introduce you.
  1. When you first met your love interest, you…
  • Were in a good place in your life and open to a relationship
  • Were lonely
  • Were unaware of what was going on, it just happened


  1. When it comes to photos…
  • You have taken photos together which both of you feel free to share with other people.
  • You take photos together especially when you are out but these are never shared on social media, ever.
  • You never take photos together.


  1. When your love interest is making future plans like getting a new job or moving to a different town he…
  • He will let you know about the important plans before they happen
  • He might talk about it with you but usually he doesn’t involve you in the planning.
  • You will know about it after the fact.

Scoring guide

Mostly A’s – Yours appears like a real solid relationship not situationship

Mostly B’s – You are definitely in a situationship. You two seem to have an understanding of sorts but there is no trust, honor or understanding.

Mostly C’s – You are in a ghost relationship that only exists in your head.

With these, now you can know if you are in a relationship or a situationship.




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